For this two-part post, I’m going to compose action into two different scenes. The first scene is going to be a rewrite of Tobias Wolff’s piece Bullet in the Brain where I provide a different story line. The second scene will be a specific moment in my life that I put into words and great detail.
Anders, probably already pissed off by his own everyday life, enters the bank and he doesn’t even know that his day is going to go from bad to worse. Irritated by the line that stretched out in from of him, he tunes into a conversation taking place by two annoying women ahead of him. With both him and the ladies noticing the teller place a sign in her window “POSTION CLOSED” anger begins to build in everyone. “Oh, that’s nice” the one woman says with frustration. Anders responds with a sarcastic reply that basically told her to get over it even though he was mad about the situation as well. A moment past and the line barley moving, the two of them went on with their day. As silence took over the bank, everyone stopped what they were doing to look at the two men dressed in blue business suit and ski masks. The one holding a gun pressed up against one of the security guard’s neck. Fear grew over Anders and he felt completely frozen. One of the men in the ski mask orders everyone to get on the ground. The two ladies drop to the ground along with the rest of the people in the building, but Anders still has yet to move. Still frozen, one of the men came up to him with the gun pointed at his head and pushed him to the ground. The robbers take the money they had one of the tellers put in a bag for them. No one was harmed, just scared. In that moment before all of this, he was mad at the world for being boring, but he never realized how precious and fragile life could be. He regrets every taking his life for granite. [edited] As we all stood around a hole in the middle of a small garden, we heard nothing but our sad thoughts in our heads. It has been one year since my cousin left us. The sky is dark and filled with clouds and the rain just won't stop. It was as if the sky was crying for us. We all surrounded the soil while a family member read off a speech. I try and listen to the poem but far too much is going on in my head right now. As I stand under this umbrella, I feel this sense of protection and safeness. I look over at my mother who is hysterically crying which brings a tear to my eye. After the speech is ended, a tree is going into the hole and it was our job to fill it. I watch as my uncles help with this process. As they are removing the tree from the container, the tree looks sad in a way that it needed a home. The roots swayed as they carry it and the branches do not stand tall just yet. This tree is to provide strength and reassurance that it will not go anywhere. With the roots to grow and spread through the ground. I took a cup of soil and walked up to the garden where the tree is. I dump my cup and begin filling the hole for the tree knowing this as to start filling the whole in my heart.
4 Comments
Sabatino
9/24/2018 07:55:21 am
I don’t know if a response to the writing choices are relevant here, so I’ll say thank you for sharing this poignant post. I feel as if I know more about you and your loved ones. I am sorry for your loss.
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Katina
9/24/2018 11:16:27 am
Your piece was loaded with descriptive language and I really felt for you while reading this. You did a good job composing this story. I am sorry for your family's loss.
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9/30/2018 05:18:47 pm
I truly believe death in a family brings a lot of thinks out, at least that has been my experience. Thank you for sharing this and also using the garden to explain your emotions, have a blessed day.
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Ashley Wright
9/30/2018 06:10:50 pm
That is really beautiful how you and your family planted that tree in honor of your cousin. I am so sorry for your family's loss.
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Inspiration"Step into a scene and let it drip from your fingertips"- MJ Bush Archives
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